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I canceled my subscription 

To my feelings for him

As ruthlessly as a college student

After the free trial is up

But like any service 

They emailed once a month

To remind me, I could go back


Like an addict, I fell

Into the fantasy that 

My drug of choice could cure all

And invested in a drug

That would destroy me

If I let it

And I tried to let it


But like a child watching T.V.

I felt empty after each episode

And angry at the commercials

For reminding me the movie is not mine

That even though I knew every line

I could not fast forward to the good parts

And if I could, they would somehow mean less


I abandoned the comfort unwillingly,

But when I did, I discovered 

The Student discount,

The clarity of a clear mind,

And Netflix.


In the new him,

I have found peace rather than war

And now you couldn’t pay me 

To resubscribe to those old feelings

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